How to build confidence in pursuing your passions

Dear Passionado, 

In our recent “Morning Buzz” group session, we asked ourselves what we needed more of to pursue our passions. 

One Passionado raised her virtual hand and said “confidence and motivation”. 

Boom, there it was, right there. Two of the biggest barriers to doing more of what we love. We’ve all felt the lack of them, I know I certainly have. And life can seem to be intent on blocking us from growing both at every turn. 

They’re two huge topics – today, I want to share more about “confidence” in the hope it will help you with your passion journey. 

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Confidence is the belief in ourselves; in our abilities, our innate talents and uniqueness. It’s that feeling of knowing we either have “it”, or that we will get “it” (or figure “it”) out. 

Realizing we want more of what lights us up is often caused by realizing we’ve done too much of what others want us to do. 

And, when we serve others more than ourselves, although we’re being good citizens, parents, children, employees and community members, we teach our bodies and souls that we don’t matter.

We lose trust in ourselves. 

To combat this, we get “good” at the things we think we should be good at (typically what society expects of us, or people demand of us, especially at work.)

And, let’s face it, often, we have to build competence and confidence to survive, protect or provide (hello, mortgage.)

So, when we finally pause to say: wait a minute, didn’t I used to LOVE doing that thing? I want that feeling again! Our immediate thought is: “If I try, I’m bound to fail.” 

I won’t be as good at it as I was before. I won’t know the latest. People will laugh. I’ll feel awkward. They’ll think I’m too old/fat/lazy. It just isn’t me. It’s just too much of a risk. 

So, we hesitate. And in that hesitation, we move on to our next task, which makes us feel competent. Safe.

As with most things passion-seeker related, it’s one Almighty Vicious Circle.

So, how can we build our confidence with our passions?

I’m not about to tell you to "power pose" your way through it. Or jump off a cliff even if you’re petrified. But, there are a few things you can do to help yourself along:

Laugh in the face of failure (ba ha ha…)

Because we’ve spent years building careers, businesses and families, and we’ve “got good” at those roles, we come to expect instant brilliance in all we do. Not in an arrogant way, but in the way that society demands. Social media tells us so, with finely edited videos (who knew food prep on a Sunday could be so fast, clean and FUN! Save me…)

If you’re reconnecting with something you haven't done for 20 years, it will take time to remember or to adapt to your new level. If you’re trying something brand new, you’re going to make a mess, drop the thing, fall over, burn the cake, use the wrong tool, not catch the fish. 

And, when we’re already exhausted, these are the last things we need. We don’t need to feel worse about ourselves! 

It can feel bad if we let it. If we set ourselves up for such high expectations that the minute we try and fail, we feel that familiar sinking feeling of “well, I knew I would suck at it, so why bother…” Sometimes, we even tell ourselves this before we try!  

Don’t let yourself do it. 

Give yourself permission to make the mess or the mistake. Laugh at the ridiculousness of it. Welcome the encouragement of those who tell you “don’t worry, you’ll get it!”. This is meant to be FUN, don’t spoil it by beating yourself up. 

Go all “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?”

My favorite part of the TV show "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" wasn’t when they won the money. It was when they called the “Friend” for the answer. I used to love when the person sounded so very surprised when they picked up the phone, and then proceeded to get their friend one step along the way. 

It’s the same with passions. Passion seeking can be an immensely fulfilling solo pursuit. And also, sometimes, you’re going to need a friend to get you off the couch. Passionado Kristi told me recently how she trains for her waterski team in cold, dark Minnesota Spring, and the only thing that gets her into that river on a Saturday morning is the thought of her friends, in the boat, cheering her on. 

Who can you bring along for the ride? Who would bolster your belief? Ask them to join you!

Celebrate getting your a** off the couch

Don’t wait to feel good about the progress you’re making. The mere fact that you signed up for the class you’ve been meaning to try is an accomplishment, celebrate that! When you finish the first attempt, celebrate that too! Tell yourself “good job for going” or “nice work for getting off the couch.” Open a bottle of champagne if you so desire, whatever it takes for you to remind yourself that this is a journey, which is meant to give you ENJOYMENT!

Who cares if the thing you made in the art class looks like something your 5 year old drew? You did it, you went to the class, maybe you even had a good time! 

Who cares if you went to that new committee meeting at work and didn’t contribute as much as you thought? You showed up, you made that step and you proved to yourself that you could. 

Who cares if you only went so far as to get your old cello out of the attic, dusting off the music, but you haven’t yet signed up for a lesson. That step of preparation and readiness is HUGE!

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This month, try these things, and let me know how you get along. Nothing would make me happier than to hear about your progress!

Finally, If you feel that having some guidance would help you, consider Passion Finder. It’s our new course that includes 8 video lessons taught by me, covering our five-step method to kickstarting your passions. 

Or — if you’re not ready to dive into a course yet, join us for a Morning Buzz!

Laura

Founder, Passion Collective