Ouch, they said "no" – what now?

Dear Passion Seeker,

I'm willing to bet that in the last month, someone has said "no" to you. The proposal that was declined (or worse, ghosted. Please people, stop the ghosting!). The friend who didn't love your crazy new idea. The job applications that entered the AI void, never to return. The spouse who doesn't understand why you're so proud of that huge fish you caught/new song you wrote/employee you helped succeed ...

Rejection, in all its forms, can be brutal. We know that we’re meant to be resilient and evolved about it all, but the sharp pain of loss (almost like a betrayal?) can make us want to pack up our passions and hide under the duvet. 

This is on my mind, because my debut book, Born to Buzz. How to Spark Your Passions (Without Quitting It All), is about to launch (Sept 9!!). I am so proud of it and still, I’m very aware that some won’t get it. They won’t love it. Some will critique it. They might say nothing at all.

Just like you, I'm no stranger to rejection. In eleven years of leading Passion Collective, I’ve experienced more than I ever thought I could stomach (some of them are too crazy even to write in an email!). 

So, I’ve learned to keep a few reminders close, almost like little cards in my back pocket. When the inevitable sting hits, I pull one out:

Collect the "nos"

Not the ones on your face (>nose), the “no thank you” kind. This idea comes from old-school sales, but it’s surprisingly helpful. Every "no" you collect is actually a win. The ninja mind trick is that it convinces you that you've GAINED something, even when you've lost! GENIUS!

What's good enough for the GOATs …

Roger Federer won only 54% of his points during his tennis career. Let that sink in: a GOAT lost almost half the points he played! The difference with Rog is that he won the points that mattered. So, if you're feeling the sting of rejection, ask yourself: what "wins" truly matter to me?

Read the one-star reviews

When I'm worrying about rejection, I look up Goodreads reviews of Big Time Authors: Stephen King, Brené Brown, Toni Morrison ... Glowing five-stars sit right next to “boring/pointless” one-stars. I doubt Brene is reading hers (and she has the millions to arguably not care), but it reminds me: we can’t control the response. Our job is to put our best into the work, and let it live. 

So yes, rejection hurts, but do NOT let it stop you. 

Take a breath, shake it off, and ask yourself this question:

Who needs this?

Not “was it perfect?”
Not “did everyone love it?”
Just: who needs this?

That question has saved me more than once. Maybe it’ll help you too.

Keep going. We need your passion in the world, even the messy, weird, unconventionally beautiful bits.

Laura

Founder, Passion Collective